You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
