I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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