All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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