The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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