your room smells of hookers.
And success
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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