I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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