is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sext me about skeletons
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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