Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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