There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
