okay pat passed out under dana's car
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
