I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
