Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize