Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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