I want to walk on stilts...naked
even my farts smell like vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As shirtless as possible
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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