All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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