If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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