I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Randomize
