help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
