So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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