I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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