"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am available for nakedness
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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