I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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