i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
