M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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