I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
