Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
