I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize