i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
