No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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