was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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