Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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