There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
