My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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