If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
