Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
