Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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