She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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