apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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