8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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