i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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