He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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