And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
