I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
