the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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