his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
