Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dear god my vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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