He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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