Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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