Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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