You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
