My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
