I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize