He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
