If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
