Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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