a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
