I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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