You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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