He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
