After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
