Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
