let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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