She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize