Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
