I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
