this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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