I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
