K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
