Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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