Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I could fuck to npr.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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