i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
