apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
