Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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