she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
