I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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