I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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