Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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