the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
