she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize