Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
