I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
