I hate your face
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
