i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
