did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize