I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
