he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
be right there i have to get my cape
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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