We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
