I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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