Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
