I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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