google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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